Contiki!

Contiki is a mixing pot of different types of travelers. You have your people who are scared of the world and find peace in the fact they travel in a huge group in a controlled environment, the people who go to party and those who just want abit of structure to their normal backpacker ways.

I entered the briefing and quickly sized up the group, many attractive girls with a ratio of 7 to 33 girls. Not only was the ratio crazily in my favor but out of the 7 guys 2 had partners, 2 were Asian and the other was a socially awkward fat man. So teamed with my roomy for the trip John a 30 year old music teacher from New York we went down to try and get a crew to go out as we ready to have a big night but as it happened we were the only ones!

Contiki is very similar to a school trip you see all the main things but you don’t really discover the sole of a city. This wasn’t too bad in my case because we toured the country side in our bus visiting all the historic sites of Turkey. Our third night resulted in a good night I had smashed a little too much Raki (fire water) and found myself drinking on a pier with a bunch of Canadians. This was a quality tame night. But the next morning walking around troy I found out the hard way how to use those asian toilets that are just a hole in the ground.

The tour carried on, mostly having quiet drinks at night with a few people who wanted to drink with John and I. By this time we had started on our trade mark ficis jokes as it was the name of a beer so we found it hilarious to make double osunders wherever possible. Everyone had broken off into little groups with some stand out characters, there was a girl who wore the same thing every day which created controversy amongst the girls, a girl who had nothing positive to say ever! and a girl who looked like a turkey and really got on my nerves, but the group was good fun as a whole, some really nice people.

One night we went out with our bus driver and a few girls in turkey where me and the bus driver got smashed and spoke extremely broken English to each other. This was the night I finally got a beer tower it pretty much made the trip! We also found out that Turkish taxi drivers are almost as fun as Bali with sub woofers and extreme speed! But the funniest thing was the next morning when I was feeling very seedy there was contiki Ahmid at the wheel with his aviators and I thought this guy was smashed 4 hours ago and he has 4 hours of bus driving ahead but he was a trooper he even tried to pick up turkey the night before having a wife and kid in istanbul!

Before I knew it the Turkey part of the trip was over and we were chilling in the port town where our cruze ship was docked. Speaking to contiki ahmid about the plans he said 'tonight is big like good titties' genius! On this information, me and John made it our mission to go out with a bang so of course the best way to do that is to invite the favorite girls and the korean guys to your room for kings with raki thrown in at 50% just for fun. Arriving at the turkish Irish pub we ordered stout but no go so to set the tone for the night jamison shots! My memory of the night isn’t too good but I did manage to make John sleep in another room on a fold out couch! and come breakfast was easily still drunk not to mention very poor. I left the hotel with 50TYL and 25Euro that night and came back with zero but on the plus side I did get a free pair of shorts from the bar! 

Starting the new day on the cruze ship we changed our joke theme to seamen jokes. We also decided to invest in unlimited drinks so come 10am in the morning I was smashing cocktail after cocktail even getting roadies for the island stops, life doesn’t get much better! The cruze ship did only have one nightclub so the first two nights were very tame. I did catch up on sleep though the vibration of the engine which was right next to our room put me to sleep nicely that or the carbon monoxide still trying to work that one out.

The last night on the ship resulted in just me and John making it to the 2am cut off drink point but we had made friends with some aussie girls who were very smart indeed! They stock piled drinks all night and as a result we found ourselves drinking in there room with a texian drug dealer with a gambling addiction. Then we had a very funny addition Victor the Ukrainian bartender who had stolen a bottle of tequila from the bar just for us. As it turns out every drink I ordered he had charged two to our accounts so that come the end of the night the bar staff could have a field day. I didn’t mind because the tequila was awesome and by now the no does had kicked in. Victor let us in on the inner workings of a cruze shit how his roommate had a wife and kids in the Ukraine and also had fucked pretty much everyone on the ship. His English was hilarious, and the girls taught him that a loose chick had a poorly packed kebab. We stumbled into bed only to be woken up an hour later by a very angry Russian woman who shouted something at us but I figured we had slept past the check out time. I got up feel straight into the wall I could barely walk up the stairs and checking out with the rest of the group who were all well rested was very funny and that my friends was contiki!